Tuesday, May 4, 2021

*OFFICIAL BLOG* Life Bits and Other Chunks: Memoirs of an untrained man

CLICK HERE TO GO DIRECTLY TO THE BOOK PAGE AT SMASHWORDS


Life Bits and Other Chunks: Memoirs of an untrained man is a complete work, but I will continue to update it, probably throughout my life. When you buy a book on Smashwords, you receive the updates for free.
Life Bits are useful times and events; Other Chunks are unidentified, unrecognizable pieces of life. Both are from my personal experiences, and I present them to you in the form of entertaining stories. This collection meanders through a variety of bits and chunks, all designed to bring you entertainment.

Enjoy my Life Bits and Other Chunks, as I present them to you modestly, in the form of an ebook. Look forward to more in the future, as I am sure that life has more to offer, and I can't wait to share!



Following are the current writings in
Life Bits and Other Chunks: Memoirs of an untrained man:



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Wednesday, April 28, 2021

Renaissance Man




"Renaissance Man" is an excerpt from Life Bits and Other Chunks: Memoirs of an untrained man, by Stephen L. Wilson.
Available at Smashwords. All rights reserved.  © 2013-2021.

My son and I were chatting, back in the day. I told him that I want to start making internet videos.
"Of what?" he wanted to know.
"I don't know. Just something entertaining. I mean, I went through a phase of learning how to code web pages. That lasted a while, and I still like to play around with it to this day. Then I went through a self-publishing phase, and of course, I still dabble in that now and then. Most recently I have been blogging seriously. Pretty soon I won't be blogging as much. I have had fun entertaining myself, reflecting these musings like some Renaissance Man, wondering, 'What intellectual endeavor lies in store for me now?' Surely, and after much reflection, I assure you that my next passion will be making internet videos."
Like a pro poker player, he peered ponderingly, studying my beady eyes. 
"What kind?"
"Funny ones. I don't know. A monkey flew outta my butt, and I named him Tanner!"
His gaze didn’t waver.
"That is so old, Dad! Do you know how many times I have heard that? And it wasn't even funny the first time around."
Like a pausing pro poker player, I peered ponderingly, studying his beady eyes. 
"Sez YOU."
"Seriously, Dad. Who would watch THAT? You telling an old joke? What else do you have? I mean, sometimes you get to the point where you are no longer funny - you are just annoying."
"Well...yes. That's true. So I am saying...I'm saying, let's say I am funny only one time out of ten. You have to suffer through the other nine. We get to edit that out! Right? I mean, that's what I would have to learn if I am going to make internet videos, right?"
Like a perturbed pausing pro poker player, he peered ponderingly, studying my beady eyes. The question sounded desperate.
"OK. Whatever. You won't need me, right?"
I couldn't help it! I laughed out loud, right there in the kitchen!
He pressed on. "I mean, seriously. You have a webcam on the computer. I will show you how to use it. I'll get you set up. Then leave me out of it."
Like a perpetually perturbed pausing pro poker player, I peered ponderingly, studying his beady eyes. I countered his claim.
"Look. I will need a "straight man." Someone to reel me in when I run too deep."
"Running deep isn't the problem. Running stupid is."
I chose to ignore his blunt warning. After all, no great endeavor happened because someone gave up. I switched gears on him.
"Have you ever heard of Abbott and Costello?"
Like a perplexingly perpetually perturbed pausing pro poker player, he peered ponderingly, studying my beady eyes. He spoke.
"No. Who are they?"
"Back in the day, they were an act that made the transition from vaudeville to the earliest days of television. Their 'schtick' was a big, goofy guy and a straight man. The big, goofy guy would spend his time getting into ridiculous situations, or making absurd claims or just being a problem in general."
"Well, you have THAT role down, anyway!" he jabbed. 
I just gave him the stink eye.
"AN..EEE...WAY...the comedy comes from the idea that the straight man is spending his time setting up the ridiculous antics of the other guy. It doesn't SEEM like that. It SEEMS like the straight man is truly working to help out his buffoon friend, but in reality, he is making sure his friend keeps winding up in trouble. As much as the audience wants to feel bad for the guy, it just keeps being funny. I can be Costello, and you can be Abbot."
"Only if Costello is the fat guy."
"Son, we don't call them 'fat.' We refer to those poor folks as 'overweight,' 'pleasantly plump,' or, if they prefer, 'morbidly obese.' Please, son. Try to be a bit more respectful. After all, there are people like that in our family."
"Yeah. And you are one of them!"
It took a minute for his delight to draw down to a decent decibel. As his cackles tapered off, I continued.
"So you are in?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Are you serious, Dad?"
"What?"
"Why would I be 'in'?"
I hadn't noticed before, but the boy was a bit agitated. He seemed almost offended that I was trying to involve him in my latest endeavor. Maybe THAT was why he was trying to get under my skin. Sensing opportunity, I made the ultimate Dad command.
"You don't have a choice."
"WHAT THE HELL?" (By this time, the boy and I have already established that, as men, we can drop a cuss word now and then, whenever the lady-folk and other innocents are not about. This restriction is null and void if we hit our thumbs with hammers, or stub our toes [Man Code, Article IV, Section 3.707, 5th Revision, 1997, et al])
Like a perplexingly perpetually perturbed pausing pro Peruvian poker player, I peered ponderingly, studying his beady eyes. I grinned like a smoked ham.
"Ha ha! How ya like me now? You just got "dad-smacked"! You...don't...have...a...choice! You are officially now my straight man. Don't worry - at least you aren't the buffoon. That should work, right?"
These words were spit from his lips at a Tommy-gun rate:
"I'm-not-doing-your-dumb-videos."
By now he had had just about enough of my guff. You could see it in his eyes. He was done.
"Aw, Bub. You know I am just messing with you. Anyway, it was just an idea. Just one more thing - A monkey flew outta my butt, and I named him Tanner!"
Like a poisonous, perplexingly perpetually perturbed pausing pro Peruvian poker player, he peered ponderingly, studying my beady eyes. All he did was stare at me and shake his head.

PSA: Words On A Screen




"PSA: Words On A Screen" is an excerpt from Life Bits and Other Chunks: Memoirs of an untrained man, by Stephen L. Wilson.
Available at Smashwords. All rights reserved.  © 2013-2021.

Here is a narration to a PSA video I made for YouTube. It emphasizes the tendency people have to judge others only by words they type on social media, or in chat rooms or sometimes even in email correspondence. The PSA is an effort to encourage others to use critical thinking skills while interacting online. I ask this question of the audience - "Do you feel that people who read words on a screen, then make huge assumptions based on this tiny amount of information are the biggest threat to social media?"
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A common study once determined that human communication is only 7% textual, and that the remaining 93% is made up of body language, facial expressions, gestures, voice tone and inflection and other non-verbal communication. When people are online, using keyboards to put words on a screen, they are relying on an underused 7% of communication skills to relay 100% of their message. People either do not realize this, or they choose to ignore it. Some people who communicate in chat rooms, comments, or on social media insist on taking a fraction of a person's persona that is no more than words on a screen and make tremendous assumptions about the sender.
See, the sender of information has a specific, intended meaning in mind when they go through the effort to communicate with another human . The sender communicates a message, and it is received. The receiver then has the responsibility to reasonably decode the message. Again, it is unwise for the receiver to assume that what they interpret is exactly 100% of the intended message. 
In some cases, the norm appears to be that receivers are perfectly willing to decide that the way they interpret the information is exactly the only way the sender could have meant the message. This is a problem if the receiver chooses to accept the message in a negative way without asking the sender questions, or at the very least realize that the first assumption they make PROBABLY isn't the correct, intended message. If the receiver feels threatened by the information, at times they will lash and bash, and begin a vitriolic attack on the sender.
There are many reasons why people feel emboldened to take their 7% and display themselves as ignorant, hateful miscreants, but the bottom line is that communication receivers routinely:
Make assumptions about the sender's information based on their own narrow personal frame of reference
Refuse to ask the sender for more information
Decide that what they assumed is the only way the information may be taken
Any of these choices only serve to make the receiver a fool. After all, do you ever just walk into a room, hear a bit of a conversation, and then assume the rest about a person based on this minimal amount of information? Is this a smart way to communicate? Does this make sense to you? If you answered "yes" to any of those questions, then you are part of the problem, not the solution.
The next time you have the urge to take 7% of weak, underused communication skills and make narrow, small-minded assumptions, and then decide that a person is 100% of what tiny information you have gathered, then just realize this - when you belittle, name-call, insult without cause, or otherwise expose your own ignorance, YOU are the one allowing words on a screen to bother you. Instead of taking the time to either:
Make other assumptions (it is the least you can do)
Offer an intelligent counter viewpoint
Simply ask the sender of their intent
If your response is to jump on the sender after making your own assumptions, then you are a fool. Yes, you. Quit doing this. You pollute an otherwise intelligent conversation, and waste collective time. If you have questions, or a differing viewpoint, certainly offer it. If you, however, take 7% and make it 100%, you lose. Not 'loose', 'lose'. You lose when you are a fool, and others think to themselves, "That person has issues. They let words on a screen get to them." Of course, that isn't all we think.
I realize that the nonverbal to textual study that is referenced is a bit dated, and that it represents a small sample, but here's something you need to know. More and more studies show that nonverbal to textual ratio may be more like 75% to 25%. This means that 25% is just as insignificant as 7%, since humans still rely on nonverbal communication three times more than textual communication.
Ancient Roman philosopher Epictetus is quoted as saying, "We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak." This may work with non-textual speech, but I contend that in modern times, the saying is closer to "We have two eyes and ten fingers so that we may gossip five times more than we observe." Combined with anonymity, this approach can lead to a quick  downward spiral which usually ends threads in any number of undignified ways. However, you aren't as anonymous as you think.
Now you are informed. There are no excuses. Only you have the power to understand the knowledge contained in this video. Only you have the power to put it to use. Now that you are aware, you have no reason to not act civil, decent and intelligent as you communicate on the internet. Hopefully you are mature enough to put this all together, and help out the rest of us. Thank you.

My Jobs

 HOME 

"My Jobs" is an excerpt from Life Bits and Other Chunks: Memoirs of an untrained man, by Stephen L. Wilson.
Available at Smashwords. All rights reserved.  © 2013-2021.

 An entire list of the jobs I have held, in no particular order, as indicated in Life Bits and Other Chunks, memoirs of an Untrained Man:


Ø Carpenter’s Helper

Ø Customer Service – Clothing Store

Ø Truck Stop C-Store Clerk

Ø Yard Boy – Cement Plant

Ø Maintenance Mechanic – Beef Processing Plant

Ø Alaskan Factory Trawler Fishing Vessels - Twice

Ø Donation Collector for Thrift Store

Ø Unwittingly Worked for Dishonest Charity (They Were Busted)

Ø Cabinet Shop - Twice

Ø Helped Build A Burger King

Ø Studio Photographer

Ø Deli Worker – Twice

Ø Roadside Mechanic

Ø Loan Processor – Twice

Ø Mortgage Lending Specialist

Ø Grocery Stocker – Twice

Ø Phone Line Installer

Ø Summer school teacher for life skills students (temporary)- Thrice

Ø Independent Tutor

Ø Car Salesperson

Ø Therapeutic Community Technician for Correctional Facility

Ø Virtual Customer Service Agent


Various Restaurant Jobs

Ø K.F.C. – Twice

Ø Burger King

Ø Braum’s

Ø Wendy’s

Ø Subway

Ø Hyden’s Dockside

Ø Pizza Hut

Ø Red Lobster – Twice

Ø Top Hat Lounge

Ø Taco Bueno


Angels Were Sent


"Angels Were Sent" is an excerpt from the eBook Life Bits and Other Chunks: Memoirs of an untrained man by Stephen L. Wilson.
Available at Smashwords. All rights reserved.  © 2013-2021.

This poetic homage is in tribute to the horrific tragedy that occurred in Oklahoma City on April 19, 1995. It is an attempt, as someone who was not present during the actual event, to understand the occurrence at the most basic of levels: The spiritual power of the battle of Good vs. Evil. 

 I. Satan's wrath contains no mercy. His soul is without hope. His acts are desperate, for he is running out of time. His control is fleeting, falling well short of glory. He thrives upon his horrific deeds; he is certain he holds his future in his own hands. The outcome of his fate he ignores, living for today by idolizing himself and his self-serving deeds. He maims, destroys and kills, each time believing more in his imagined invincibility. His avoidance of God is vehement. It is not within his means to acknowledge God, for to do so would be to believe, and to believe is to instill hope within his rotting soul. Therefore his avoidance is necessary to thrive upon his lustful, selfish greed. And so he carries on.  
II. There was a day, and a bomb exploded. The Devil was there, performing for his own glory. His act was swift. He knowingly defiled God, and he knew he must be swift. His act was atrocious and he wallowed in the filth of his destruction. He heard the torment of every tortured moment of every tortured soul and his lust for himself knew no bounds.
All were innocent and unsuspecting, and the Devil howled with glee. Masses writhed in murderous pain, and Satan was thriving. His act was horrific, and so it pleased him. His evil soul swelled. He heard the shouts. He heard the cries. He heard the agony and saw the bewilderment, and he was proud. He knew God would act, and he must hide, and so he hid. 
 III. It was then that the first Angel of Mercy came to collect the souls of the unfortunate victims of the Devils' destruction. He kept their souls safe and delivered them to God's kingdom.
God then sent forth an abundance of angels. There were Angels sent and shocked survivors were wise and saved lives. There were Angels sent and people gathered to help the victims.
There were Angels sent and rescuers organized and safely aided the victims. There were Angels sent and the rescue workers were provided with food, shelter and clothing. There were Angels sent and workers had the strength and courage to provide for those in need.
There were Angels sent and witnesses had the strength and courage to share their account. There were Angels sent and word spread quickly and accurately.
Through it all, Satan watched and hid, and hated God's love.
There were Angels sent, and family members found comfort through God and kin. There were Angels sent, and money was gathered. There were Angels sent, and strangers embraced and wept, and were comforted. There were Angels sent and victims felt God's love. Survivors found hope and courage and were blessed.
There were Angels sent and people from across the land were aware of the suffering and offered comfort. There were Angels sent and people were gracious and gave to the needy. There were Angels sent and people became as one and their hearts were lifted. There were Angels sent and people began again to love. There were Angels sent and people no longer took life for granted. There were Angels sent and people began to grow and nurture. There were Angels sent and the Devil was gone.
Thank God there were Angels sent.

How Was YOUR Day?


"How was YOUR day?" is an excerpt from the eBook Life Bits and Other Chunks: Memoirs of an untrained man by Stephen L. Wilson. Available at Smashwords. All rights reserved.  © 2013-2021.

We needed a car. Desperately.
While riding to work with a friend, I happened to notice a mid ‘70’s station wagon for four hundred dollars. I bought it.
The car certainly had flaws. The rear hatch was a dinosaur of a load, and didn’t latch properly. The weight kept it shut, for the most part. I noticed the idiot lights on the dashboard didn’t work. I found out the hard way when I ran the oil dry. I guess that doesn’t necessarily make me the genius, right? Little did I know, the worst was yet to come.
Here it was, the first week of December. Bitter cold wind blowing in from the Rockies, lashing out over the plains of Oklahoma. Ice was the main weather issued by Mother Nature.
 I had left for work early to make sure I had plenty of time to make it to the studio, where I worked as a photographer. When I arrived and shut off the ‘wagon, I noticed a burning smell. After getting out and sniffing around, I opened the hood. I immediately noticed smoke emerging from an area deep in the engine. As the studio was still locked, it took me a few seconds to get inside and grab the fire extinguisher. I blasted the smoke spot with white powder, and it immediately disappeared.
 I was careful to avoid essential areas of the engine compartment, such as the carburetor, radiator and battery. In fact, the shot was pretty clean and I figured I lucked out and could take a chance on driving the beast back home after work. I threw the fire extinguisher in the clunker before I jumped on the highway for the half-hour trip back home.
There I was, bookin’ down the highway. I looked to my left, and a guy in a blue sedan was frantically jabbing his finger towards the front of my car, and hollering something. Instantly I knew what was going on, and I pulled over. I popped the hood, and leaped out, fire extinguisher at hand. I lifted the hood, aimed and squeezed. Nothing. The engine fire was now responding to the enhanced oxygen exposure, and it intensified increasingly.
 I about crapped! Apparently, I used up all of the juice in the fire extinguisher, or something. Later I found out that they need to be recharged. Ignorance was not bliss, in this case.
I looked around at the concrete shoulder. There was some dirt and gravel built up along the edge. I scooped a fine handful, ran back to the car, and threw it straight into the engine gap from where the smoke was by now belching. By the grace of God, or some other miracle, it was enough. My dilapidated car was once again flameless.
I still had a ways to go, and knew I needed a different plan. I took the next exit, and stopped at a gas station. I called my buddy and explained my predicament. He said he would drive over to where I was, and follow me home.
When he arrived, he brought along a six-pack of beer. After all, it was Friday, and I had already had a helluva day. We’d head home and figure out what was up with the dinosaur. Maybe after a few beers in, we may just have the mystery solved. Little did we know…
So I’m almost home, my buddy behind me. We were in a residential neighborhood a mile or so from the hacienda. The next thing you know, my buddy is flashing his lights and honking his horn at me. On fire again.
I started to pull into the first driveway, which was cement, but then I noticed a gravel alley close by. I pulled in there, leaped out and popped the hood again. I was pretty proud of myself. This maneuver was becoming more natural. I felt like a cat. A cat with a burning vehicle.
I opened the hood. I re-realized the whole oxygen/fire thing. You would think I would have learned from the previous incident. Apparently the whole ‘idiot light’ thing didn’t sink in, either.
 So here we are, smoke continually and progressively pouring out of the valley in my engine. I reach down and grab the first thing I get my hands on, which is icy pea gravel. I pitched a healthy handful towards the menacing crevasse. Unfortunately, my aim was poor, and pea gravel scattered across the entire engine compartment. By now I see the flames licking the bottom of the engine block. I back out from under the hood and bump into my buddy, who has the beer out, and is opening one. He proceeds to dump it into the engine. The flame hissed and went silent. My buddy took no chances. He poured another onto the smoldering metal. This did the trick, and I was able to get the car home. Bad thing was, when we made it home, I only got one beer. I guess the two we sacrificed turned out to be mine.
The car was home, and I finally arrived at our lovely domicile shared by my wife and two kids. My youngest was six weeks old, my oldest three years old. Our ‘lovely domicile’ was actually a drug-, gang- and crime- riddled apartment complex in Oklahoma City. It was all we could afford at the time, and we knew going in that it was only temporary.
In fact, we had been in contact with the owner of the house right next to my buddy. There was work to be done before it was move-in ready, and I was in communication with him about helping to fix it up. In the meantime, here we are, living in Cracktown, U.S.A.
I climbed up the stairs to the apartment, went in and relaxed a bit. My wife told me that the complex owner had called, and wanted to know if and how we paid rent that month. It seems that the manager of the complex had absconded with all of the cash and check rent payments. My wife was able to produce a receipt, but it was still quite a shocker to live in a place where this was happening. In addition to this latest turn of events, there had been several arrests within the apartments during our course of residence there. Helicopters had flown over with search lights blazing on several occasions.
One time I was on our balcony stoop. Suddenly, a siren started up, and a cop started following a white import car on the main street, heading my direction. The car pulled into the apartment complex driveway, directly below my vantage point. The driver opened the door and got out of the car. The officer announced on the intercom for the driver to get back in the vehicle. The driver turned and ran right below where I was standing, and dashed into the main complex area! The cop jumped out and chased the perpetrator while calling in for backup on his shoulder mike. This turned into a whole helicopter event. I never did find out if they caught the guy.
After all of this, and hearing what my wife had to say, I knew we had to get out of this place. We were in the living room talking this over, when suddenly there were several popping sounds, followed by loud thumps against our bedroom walls. My young daughter jumped up and ran towards a window. I immediately hollered ‘Get Down’ and put myself on top of her. The pops and thumping continued at a rapid rate and ended suddenly. A car squealed and rumbled off outside. I knew that the sounds were gunshots and bullets hitting our apartment walls.
My wife went to get my infant son, and then she joined my daughter and me. We remained on the floor for several minutes, discussing what had just happened. Very quickly after, we heard sirens.
At this point, I went to the bedroom to see if there were any bullet holes. Sure enough, there were two holes. I followed the path of one, and it came through the wall, through the mattress, and into another wall. It so happens that it went right underneath the very pillow where my wife lays her head every night. The other bullet came up at a sharper angle, and went out the ceiling.
It dawned on us that our neighbor below must have taken the brunt of the bullets. I scrambled down the stairs to see if she needed help.
The door to her filthy, roach-ridden cube was already open. I called her name, and she appeared from the back cradling her two-year old child. He was one of three belonging to this single mother.
She was sobbing and clutching her middle child. I asked her if they needed any help. She said she didn’t think so, but I should take a look. I went back into her bedroom and the sight was surreal. Her window was shattered and her mini-blinds were punctured and battered. Many bullets had penetrated the space, creating chunky holes. The ricochet streaks around the room created a cacophony of visual insult.
There, in the middle of the bed, was her youngest child, peacefully sleeping, stuffed toy in hand. The discordance of the scene was striking, and definitely made me aware that fate had intervened for the sake of this young one.
An officer arrived and gathered my info. He sent his partner up to talk to my wife and see the damage in our apartment. I left as the officer started talking to my neighbor. After talking to the cop in our apartment, my wife and I placed our now sleeping daughter in bed, and wandered outside to see how things were progressing.
Many of our neighbors were outside, gathered near the scene. When we joined the group, they were discussing the whole manager-stealing-our-rent-money incident. A few in the crowd quickly caught us up on the gunfire situation. It turns out, a gang member emptied a clip on a rival gang member. The meat wagon had already hauled him off, and the cops were securing the crime scene.
 At some point, a local news channel arrived, and interviewed a few people, my wife included. Before he left, my wife asked if her interview would be aired. He said he wasn’t sure, but the story definitely would be.
The very next day I called the owner of the house next to my buddy and told him we ABSOLUTELY needed to leave these apartments. I told him what had been happening, and to watch the news. The news ended up playing the clip with my wife, and we wound up moving. I had to lay some carpet and a few other things, but that house worked really well for us.
As for the car, it turned out that a fuel line had gone bad, and I ended up replacing all of the hoses and rubber lines on the beast. Well, all except that little one at the bottom. You know, the short one with the clamps at impossible angles, way underneath the engine where a sane person cannot reach? As it turns out, I should have replaced it, too. But that is for another story.
So. How was your week?

Normally Abnormal - What IS Normal?


"Normally Abnormal - What IS Normal?" is an excerpt from the eBook Life Bits and Other Chunks: Memoirs of an untrained man by Stephen L. Wilson. Available at Smashwords. All rights reserved.  © 2013-2021.

Believe it or not, this brainstorm actually makes sense. Just read it carefully, staying focused on the meaning of ’Normal’ and 'Abnormal'. 

If being abnormal were normal, then being normal would be abnormal. Therefore, you couldn’t be normal, which would be abnormal. Then again, how could you be abnormal if it was really being normal?
If you were normal, would you like being normal, although technically it would be being abnormal? If you were normal, would you switch to being abnormal just so you would be normal (which is abnormal, which is normal)?
I wonder if being normal when abnormal is normal is anything like being abnormal when normal is normal. I don’t think so. When normal is normal, and you’re abnormal, you’re different. When normal is abnormal and you’re normal, you’re abnormal, which is normal, which is abnormal and so on.
Which would you rather be: abnormal when normal is normal, or normal when abnormal is normal?